What Susan Means

What Susan Means

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Please Remember

I sent this song to a very sweet man in my life last night. I have had a very hard decision to make lately, and this was the end result. And so again tonight I sit at the computer, playing this song over and over while tears run down my cheeks.

"Please Remember"

Time, sometimes the time just slips away
And your left with yesterday
Left with the memories
I, I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
I had you with me
Though we go our separate ways
I won't forget so don't forget
The memories we made

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
And we were wild and free
Please remember, please remember me

Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say
And it's sad to walk away
With just the memories
Who's to know what might have been
We'll leave behind a life and time
We'll never know again

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
And remember, please remember me

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
And we were wild and free
And remember, please remember me

And how we laugh and how we smile
And how this world was yours and mine
And how no dream was out of reach
I stood by you, you stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ride so fast, we ride so free
And I had you and you had me

Please remember, Please remember

Being Alone

I am sitting here at my computer listening to all the sad songs I can find and crying my eyes out. And believe it or not, I actually had an epiphany about myself and my life. I have thought a little lately that I might need to get a little professional help dealing with the grief. I know that I am not easy to get along with lately, and I'm suffering from some major depression. I know that my clinging is driving my best friend nuts because I want him with me more than he can be. I hate it when he goes home and leaves me. But tonight I was on the phone with my Mom when he got a call from work about an emergency and had to leave. So that made it easier. I had hoped he would come back over, but he's tired and has a headache. And we did have a nice time together this weekend which I am soooo not going to ruin. So back to the epiphany.

I have a hard time wanting to leave the house except for work. I don't mind going out of town where nobody knows me or my situation. I just don't want to talk to anybody about things right now. And I realized that when he's here, he's safe. He knows what is going on, so I don't have to talk about things or explain things. If something happens that make me tear up a little, he's ok with that. My daughter isn't much company anymore. She's busy with things plus she doesn't want to talk about grief even if I need to. And sometimes I do. Maybe I'm getting to the point where I need to be talking about this. I went to the woodbadge meeting and sort of talked to a woman there about it. Of course, I was very unemotional about it at the time, so I'm not sure how she took that. But it beats falling apart and crying.

My biggest goal is to get my own place. But as I'm sitting here, I'm wondering if that is a good idea. Do I want to end the day alone with nothing to do but my thoughts? I just realized that is why I am in bed sleeping by 9 pm every night. So although I have no clue what the solution is, I am starting to get a grip on the problem. I need to work on my emotional state right now. And maybe it's time to get someone to help me.