Letter to my Son

Nick,

You've been gone two years today. I have had a lot of tragedy in my life, but I have to say that two years ago today was the worst day of my life. I still remember that phone call. I've relived those moments over and over again. Part of it is blurry. The shock ws so great. I can remember the day your Dad died and standing there thinking this has to be a dream, this doesn't really happen. But it did. And two years ago I lost you, Ruth and Audrey. I find myself thinking of you so often. The two of you probably wouldn't have changed much. But Audrey would be almost five. What would she be like today? I know she would still be as beautiful as she always was. And she would probably be as full of life and stubborn.

Every year on Oct 15th I would crawl in a hole and hide from the world. I would even make sure that I didn't have to work. But I had so much to do today. I told myself that after it was all done I could cry. And sure enough, as I was driving home from all my errands the tears started. I went to the cemetery and sit at your dad's grave. And I talked to him and asked him what it was like when he got to see you again and if you are all happy. But I think I know the answer to that question. Just keep watch over Joie. She needs to be able to feel you once in a while. You left her in good hands. I know you guided all of us in choosing Tim and Mary. She is growing up into a beautiful young lady. She still has your beautiful blue eyes. I love the three of you, and I miss you so much. It hurts that you are not here. But I will see you all soon.