One More Day

One more day until the big 5-0. Wow, it's so close. And, although it's bugged me for the last year, today I'm not upset about it. I've come far in the last year, and I'm looking forward to the future with hope and excitement. Here is a little something I wrote a couple of weeks ago.

I face the world alone today
The future's so bright and blue
I have so much ahead of me
And my dreams all start anew.

I don't know what tomorrow brings
But I'll face with head held high
I can now look back upon the past
And smile and say goodbye

The future is a bright blank page
Waiting for me to start to write
And it seems to me it's been so long
Since my future seemed so bright.

Tomorrow!!!!

Well, tomorrow is the big day! I will be half a century old tomorrow morning. Ok, I think I'll just stick with turning 50. The other sounds way too old. And since I'm starting a whole new life this week, I'm not feeling old. I'm feeling excited and looking forward to my life.

I have been taking a bunch of online computer classes. I wanted to design a web page about my family. However, due to free agency, my kids would prefer me not to put info about my grandkids on it. Ok, I respect that. So what do I post? One idea I was given was to put some of my poetry on here. I've never shared it much, but maybe it's time. So here is what I wrote last week when I was thinking about my life starting over.

I faced the world alone today.
The future's so bright and blue.
I have so much ahead of me.
And my dreams all start anew.

I don't know what tomorrow brings.
But I'll face with head held high.
I can now look back upon the past.
And smile and say goodbye.

The future is a bright blank page.
Waiting for me to start to write.
And it seems to me it's been so long.
Since my future seemed so bright.

Two more days

TWO MORE DAY!!!!
I only have two more days of being young. On Wednesday I turn 50 years old! Yep, the big

5---0

The funny part is it isn't as upsetting to me as it was a while back. I've got so much living to do and so many plans. I'm through living my life according to other people's expectations. For the first time I'm going to live my life the way I want it and doing what makes me happy. I do believe I've written this before (or maybe I only thought it--I am getting old, you know)but

WATCH OUT WORLD!

More to Come

Where have I been and what have I been doing since I last posted? Wow, my life has gone through some interesting changes. The Cliff Notes version: got laid off from work, taking a bunch of continuing education classes and dating more than one man. Wow, life is good right now. Details will be coming.............maybe not all of them.

I made it through the rain

I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain

I kept my point of view

I made it through the rain

and found my self respected

by the others who got rained on too

and made it through

I am ordered a link for my braclet that say I'm a survivor. When I told Rod about it, he responded that if anybody asked me what I"ve survived I'd have to pick which one I'd tell them. That is so true. I've survived a lot in my life. I'm sitting here at lunch listening to my MP3 player and this song came on. Wow, I've made it through the rain. I've made it through the rain, the wind, the snow, the sleep, the hail and almost anything else life has thrown at me.

But if I was writing the song I would have to change those words. Because as i listened I realized that after getting through the rain I've found something more important than the self respected of others who have survived. For the first time in a long time (perhaps my whole life) I have self-respect. I feel good about what I'm doing in my life and the choices I'm making. And what a difference that makes. Wow, what I could have done if I would have realized that years ago. How many books have been written on changing ourselves, changing the outside, changing our environment, changing our appearnce, changing our weight, changing our organizational skills. And this time I simply ignored all that and changed myself inside.

In April conference Pres. Hinckley quoted the poem entitled The Road Less Traveled. I'm going to find that and print it out. Because right now what is going through my head is the last line that says "and that has made all the difference." Suits how I feel about changing myself inside right now. I haven't always taken the right road. In fact, seldom have I done that. But the changes I've made inside, no matter how small, have made all the difference.

Life is Amazing

It seems that I've spent the last 49 years of my life always wanting what I can't have. And in the past 1 1/2 years I've done everything I can to get what I want, or at least what I thought I wanted. But for the first time in all those years I think I've gotten what I wanted or at least a big part of it. But instead of being happy for about two seconds and then wanting something else or something more, I'm content. I'm actually ok with things the way they are today, right now. It just took me a long time to figure out what it really was that I wanted. A big part of that was getting past the fear of being alone to realize what I need is to grow up and take care of myself and quit expecting other people to do it for me. Years ago a very wise man told me that I needed to be happy with myself before I could be truly happy. Ok, Howard, I get it now!

Independence is such an interesting concept. We spent most of our childhood, at least the teenage years, waiting to grow up, get out of our parents house and be independent. I guess I never really had that. Oh, I don't mean the wanting, I mean the getting. I went from being daughter to wife to mother without a real identity of my own. The most indepdent I ever was would have to be the few months I attended college. But then the fear of the unknown kept me going home to Dad and Mom each and every weekend. I remember sitting in a class, this young 18 year old know-it-all listening to all the women who were probably the age I am now. They were old! Their advice to us was get your education and be able to support yourself if you ever need to. I thought it was good advice and planned to follow it. Then a few months down the road I quit school and ran off and got married. Two years later I was divorced with a baby and another on the way so back to Dad and Mom I went. They took care of me until I again became a wife. A death should have given me some independence but it didn't, and again I got into a marriage to have someone to take care of me. Although circumstances made me do as much 'taking care of' as the other way around, I still had that emotional side that was being taken care of. When another death brought that to an end, did I say "Wow, I'm grown up, I can do this." No, I moved in with Angela then Mom and then Spencer. Now I'm with Priscilla. That small taste of freedom I had for the two weeks I had my own place scared me to death. But now I dream about that time and want it back. For the first time in my life I welcome independence and taking care of myself.

So the next step must be to get my financial situation in order so I can get my own place. I like the idea of perhaps someday down the road having a man to take care of me and to be able to take care of him. But not right now. Right now it's my time. Time for Susan to figure out who she is and to do things for herself. This long distance relationship is a big part of this, but it's also giving me the freedom to be able to do it. Who says you can't have your cake and eat it too?

Quick One

Tonight has to be a short blog. It's almost bedtime which sure comes earlier since I started working. This old brain needs more sleep to work than it used to. (Emphasis on the old part) But the last two days have been good at work. We've finally figured otu what we're doing. Of course, the new system is still due to come online Monday morning, so next week will bring new challenges. But I'm enjoying what I do.

Yesterday was a beautiful spring day even in Evanston. It got slow at work, no calls, and they had to send people home early. I got asked about it, and I choose to go home. I went home, changed clothes and headed to the park with a book, my mp3 player and my soda. It was beautiful. The grass is turning green, the wind wasn't too cold. So I laid there and enjoyed the smell of the grass. Eventually the wind got too cold, so I moved to the car with the windows down. Most of the time I didn't even read, just sit there and thought about my life. It's good right now. I'm happy with myself and my life.
That showed me that I need more 'me' time. I've always had a hard time being alone with the silence and just my thoughts. So I'm going to end with the thought on my daily calendar: When you think about a problem over and over in your mind, that's called worry. When you think about God's word over and over in your mind, that's meditation. If you know how to worry, you already know how to meditate!

I have a lot to blog about today, but I'm too tired. It was an interesting stressful, hilarious day at work. Our new system is still not up, our old system isn't working, nobody knew for sure what we were doing, customers were upset and installers were worse. But somehow I kept my sense of humor today mainly bcause we were all in this together. And I got through which makes me feel wonderful. Tired but wonderful. So I want to share a couple of things. This quote is wonderful and fits really well with my life right now. And this website is pretty cool.

"Think about your life and set your priorities.
Find some quiet time regularly to think deeply about where you are going and what you will need to do to
get there. Jesus, our exemplar, often 'withdrew
himself into the wilderness, and prayed' (Luke 5:16). We need to do the same thing occasionally to
rejuvenate ourselves spiritually as the Savior
did.
Write down the tasks you would like to accomplish each day. Keep foremost
in mind the sacred covenants you have made with the Lord as you write down your
daily schedules." M. Russell Ballard

I'm definitely going to spend this Sunday afternoon
by myself withdrawing and doing some major thinking and rejuvenation.

And now for the website. Have fun.
http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/index.htm

What next?

What's next in my life? What changes am I making? Right now I can't name specifics. I just know I'm tired of not getting what I want and more, not even trying for what I want. I also know I'm not gonna rush into these changes. I'm going to take time and make a plan. I do know that I'm not going to let anybody hold me back, no matter who they are. It's time I lived the life I know I can, the life I deserve to have. If anybody holds me back or gets in my way or doesn't believe in me, I won't kick them out; but I may choose to spend less time with them. I need the love, the support and the help of people who care about me.
For the first time in years, I like myself. I've made some good changes in the past couple of years. And I'm going to keep working on those. I know that going back to work has been good for me. I've got to work on money especially my spending of money which I do so well, and my saving of money which I don't do. I do want to get my own place, but I'm not in a big hurry. If I can stay here and get some bills paid and try to get a running car, that will work. And I know that I want to enroll in some internet classes. I want to continue to learn, so I can feel more confident and be able to get a better job. I don't know how long I'm going to be in Evanston, maybe the rest of my life. That isn't in my hands, it's in the Lord's hands. My job there is to stay in tune and listen. If I do that, I'll know where I go next.
The biggest change, and the one I'm going to work on even harder are the spiritual changes I've made. I've realized I can't let a day go by without scriptures and prayer. I hate going to church alone, but I'm getting better at that. It's time to accept that I might easily be going alone the rest of my life, and that's ok too.
One thing I've always wanted to do is travel even if it's just visiting my kids and grandkids. My mini-goal is to be able to attend the baptism of all my grandkids. So that involves a trip to Alabama next January. And all the other goals are going to help that happen.
But the biggest changes of all are happening inside me. I can only do so much about the outside influences. I want to end with a quote that showed up in my inbox this morning. Seems to sum up the changes I'm going to be making.

"Between whatever happens to me and my response to it is a space.

In that space is my freedom and power to choose my response.

And in my response lay my growth and happiness."

- Stephen Covey

Ok, fair warning here. This blog is all about death. There’s nothing quite like facing mortality and the possibility of your own death to feel like you’ve been slapped up the side of the head. It sure gets your attention and makes you take stock of your life, where you are and where you want to be. Makes you realize that where you want to be is not always where you are heading unless you make some changes.

I’ve had a few moments in the past few years when I felt like I was being given a warning to change my lifestyle. A few episodes where I had some health problems that could be serious or could just be my imagination or a panic attack. Two or three times when I was taken out of Walmart in a wheelchair. I’m never been too fond of going to medical doctors. That’s mostly because of the cost. But after one episode at Walmart I went to the doctor and was told it was a virus.

Let’s back this up a few years and mention the fact that I’ve never felt like I was going to live to be very old. In fact, as odd as this might sound, a couple of weeks ago I had this very strong feeling that a wedding to Rod is never gonna be in my future because I’m not going to be around by the time he decides what he wants or is ready for it. Now I realize the definition of old varies from person to person. Heaven knows, when I was 18 I couldn’t imagine being 25. And now I’m a few months short of fifty or half a century—yuck! Of course, with my lifestyle, why would I live to be old? But lately the feeling has come back. And this week it got stronger. I had a few symptoms that could be either mild or bad, and I figured I’d just ignore it unless it got bad. But Wednesday at work I just lost it. All of a sudden I got scared to death and shaky and started to cry. I just got up, locked my stuff up and told Barb that I wasn’t feeling good and needed to go home. I actually drove to the hospital and sit outside the ER for a while before turning around and going home. I told myself that if it got worse, I’d go to the hospital. Things didn’t get any worse, but they didn’t get much better. So Friday I ended up at a doctor’s office. After checking me over and an actual EKG, he told me he thinks the problem isn’t my heart, at least not right now. But he had me do a chest x-ray to look at a few other things including my lungs. He gave me a sample inhaler to see if my shortness of breath is my asthma. I have to admit, I think it’s helping. And I got back to work on Saturday.

Well, I guess this led to my two daughters having a talk about their Mom. So Friday afternoon as Lala and I were driving down the road, we got on the subject of death. We laughed and we cried. I told her my feeling of dying young and promised to move into my own place before that happened. She said if I was gonna die she wanted me in her house. We discussed where I want a few of my important things to go. And then we actually discussed a living funeral. I can’t even remember where she heard this, but we decided if I ever find out something is wrong with me, we’re gonna have a party, invite only the people I want and celebrate my life long before anybody gets to talk about me at my funeral. It was actually good for us to have this talk. Lala’s lost too many people in the last few years and has faced too much death. But she’s a lot tougher than she knows she is.

As I said at the beginning, thinking about your own death makes you face the future a little differently. I’ve actually been making some changes and setting some goals for my future however long that is. But I’m also going to start living for today more and not living for tomorrow. I’ve done that for 49 years, but it’s time to stop. A few years ago I heard Tim McGraw’s song “Live Like You Were Dyin” and loved it. Well, it’s time I start doing that in my own life. So watch out world, Susan’s in charge and making some changes!

Happy Anniversary Yesterday

Yesterday would have been my tenth wedding anniversary with Jim. Wow, that means we've now been apart as long as we were married. I did really good yesterday for the most part. I've gotten to where I can hold it together at work. But then, I'm getting very good at 'faking it.' I had to learn to do that when I went to work at 7-11 six weeks after Jim died. Brandon, Lala and I were watching X-Files last night when, for some reason, she made a comment about me liking men with big bellies. I immediately started to cry. She felt bad about it, but it didn't last long. I went to bed shortly after that and shed a few more tears but also fell asleep thinking about the good times. Jim was a good man, and I hope to see him again someday. Sometimes I wonder what goes on in the spirit world and just how much they are aware of us and what we're doing. I like to think that both Howard and Jim can see me once in a while, know the changes I've made and are proud of me.

Today was my Friday at work which was nice. It was also a really good day, not too busy, not too slow, time went fast. And I did a lot more troubleshooting than I've done and most of them ended with the customer having everything working. I felt like I'd won the lottery. Wow, what a high those calls were. I had several customers and even a couple of installer pay me compliments. There is one installer in Texas who is a little rude, but most of them are wonderful. And I love that accent. One of them asked if he could somehow get transferred to me because I was so fast. I said I'm not sure if it helps, but I do type at 90 wpm. He laughed and said that must be it, and the guy that he got three times in a row yesterday must have been hitting one letter every fifteen seconds. We had a good laugh over that. Another one told me he likes getting those of us in Wyoming cuz we're so much more helpful and more cheerful than the Utah CSR's. I guess I won't pass that one onto the other office, but I did share it with the CSR's in our office.

Two days off now and lots of plans. So I'm gonna go get a long nights sleep and get started tomorrow. Well, working around conference, of course.

Tomorrow is Friday. at least my Friday. It's the last day of six I've worked this week. I probably should wait until tomorrow to say it's been a good week. But it really has been. I'm getting faster and better at this all the time. Of course, there have been some weird moments, some hard moments and some interesting people I've met on the phone. It seems as if at least one call a day is a long, hard one. And I'd still rather do anything than troubleshoot a problem. I am getting better at helping the customer, but there are always those problems that I just can't figure out. And we are still having the issue of getting help. Phil from Orem was here yesterday and had a meeting with Kailan and Crystal. I assume that means Crystal is going to be the mentor. I've found out that I'm not the only one that is having the problem with her. I'm sure eventually we'll butt heads, but since she works the 2-10 shift, I don't have more than a couple hours to deal with her. Now as long as they don't put her on total day shift, I'll be fine.

I do get along with everybody that I work with. Of course, there are some I enjoy more than others. Maybe I should mention a few of them. First there is Natalie, a sweet 20 year old blonde who I wanted to match up with my nephew James. Just my luck, he just started seeing someone in Orem. Then there is Jessie, the cute little eighteen year old rodeo rider. The word perky was coined for this kid. The guy across the aisle that works on McAfee has been hitting on her, so we have our own little soap opera going on here. David is the 22 year old returned missionary. Bill is the man my age or older who is actually one of the best according to the charts they post daily. I really think this man has worked CSR call center before. He's kind of quiet, but his cubicle is right beside mine, so we're been talking more this week. Part of that is because several of them come to me if they have questions and I'm off the phone.

Ok, stay tuned for chapter two of the people I work with tomorrow. I've had supper, yummy lasagna, and I think I'm gonna get off this computer and do nothing for a while. My phone calls to Rod have been almost non-existent this week, partially because I'm asleep before ten and partially because after being on the computer and the phone all day, I just don't wanna do it when I'm heading to bed. But I assume this relationship will survive that and daily emails will keep us together. So good-night for now.

Old Dog--New Tricks

Who says you can't teach an old dog news tricks? Guess I'm gonna be testing that theory next week. The training today taught us a new system that is going to be so much nicer than what we use. The catch here is it will be when we learn it. I have to use the old system until next Tuesday and then start the new one. So by then I will probably have forgotten everything I learned in training today. But we had a good time in training. Our trainer, Lyn, was a lot of fun and did things so well. We had a lot of hands-on training which is how I learn. Of course, we also got this 50 lb book that we can use as reference. Well, maybe not 50 lbs but it is about 850 pgs. So we better know what to do cuz it could take us 1/2 hr to look something up.

I realized today something new about myself. Well, actually I've started figuring this out with this job. But it became a lot more clear today. And I'm sure everybody has this problem to some extent. Ok, I'll just blurt it out. I don't like to feel or look stupid. And I'm starting to realize how that fact has kept me back for a lot of my life. Looking back I've realized how often I have just avoided doing something if there is a risk I'll look stupid or foolish. I've gotten better at what I call 'faking it.' Which means I can sort of bluff my way through. If that doesn't work, I can usually turn it around by laughing at myself. But I haven't figure out how to do that on the phone. Without enough mentors at work this past two weeks, I've had plenty of 'stupid' moments which adds to my stress level and then I end up going brain-dead and feeling stupid again. It's a vicious cycle.

I'm not sure where this came from. Perhaps from a mother to whom nothing was ever quite 'good enough.' If I got b's, I was told that with a little effort I could have gotten a's. I was never quite good enough, thin enough, smart enough. I know she didn't do that deliberately, but she did it.

So what is the solution to this? I haven't a clue, but now that I've recognized it I can work on it. At our meeting last Friday one of the things brought out in the video with Father Murphy was that we can't fix a problem unless we recognize it. Now I have to work on it both in my professional and personal life. Because it has affected both. How hard has it been for me to change jobs because I have to relearn and might feel stupid while I'm learning. And how often have I not shared something with Rod because I was afraid he would think I was stupid. He has never made me feel that way, but I have made myself feel that way. So I don't share my feelings or thoughts and then get upset later because he doesn't have a clue how I feel.

So if the first step to recovery is to acknowledge you have a problem, I guess I'm on the road to recovery on this issue. Cool!

Addictions and Dependencies

Ok, I did plan on writing more about the thoughts that have run through my head since attending the meeting with Brandon on Friday, although I guess it didn’t sound like it. I was just trying to put everything in words. But sometimes I just have to put my thoughts down on paper instead cuz they don’t seem to work in my head. In fact, most of the time if I leave them to run around unchecked in my head, they go nuts. So I’ve been thinking about it in my spare time (what’s that?) and then today I had a phone call from a friend. We don’t talk much except chatting once in a while to catch up on our lives.

He’s in the middle of a really hard relationship with a woman he loves. She kept trying to get a divorce from her husband but he wouldn’t give it to her. She moved away, came back and is now back together with him because she just knows he’s changed. She asked Gene to go to an Al-Anon meeting. He was late to the meeting and so it had started. She was across the room so he just took an empty seat.

Part of the discussion was talking about a monkey trap. The way to trap a monkey is to get a box, put a piece of fruit in it, close the box up totally, cut a crack in the top of the box. The monkey comes along, smells the fruit and puts his hand in the crack. He grabs the fruit in his fist and tries to take his hand out. But he can’st because his hand is now too big. The moneky won’t let go and you can catch him with his hand in the monkey trap.

Ok, Gene sat there like he’d been slapped up the side of his head, looked across the room at the long, red-headed woman and thought ‘there’s my monkey trap.’ So after the meeting he talked to her and told her what he had realized and that he had to get his hand out of the trap and walked away.

It was kind of ironic that he and I both had gone to that kind of a meeting this week. After the Family Week meeting we had to feel out a questionnaire about our experiences that week and what we thought of it. Some things I couldn’t grade because I had only gone one night. But at the top we had to put our relationsip to the client (Brandon) and check if we are an addict or co-dependent. Well, I checked both of them. So many of the things they talked about hit me hard. We talked about grieving and the stages of grief. We talked about addictions no matter what the addiction is: alcohol, drugs, food or sometimes in my case, men. Or is that the fear of being alone? Yeah, how much of my current relationship is due to my fear of being alone? Many times, especially when I’ve been working, I could have gotten my own apartment. But instead I have stayed living with either my Mom or my kids no matter how bad it got because I’d rather do that insteazd of being alone. And how much of my relationship with Rod is due to not wanting to be alone when I finally quit living with my kids. He has told me that he knows part of it a year ago was that he was my escape from the bad times at Mom’s.

For the first time in years I’m excited about my life and my future. I mentioned some of the goals I’m making. I intend to start the computer classes next month. I’m gonna start with one and then see if I can go to two the next time. If I can only take one every six weeks, it will take me forever to get them done. Plus I’ve got to start saving all my extra money which means no shopping trips to Walmart for a while. I need to either get my car fixed or save for another one. Plus I need my own place. I’m actually so excited about that.

One of the comments to my post was: “I've realized I have a real fear of dependancies. I don't want to become dependant on my therapy light, I don't want to become dependant on a man, or on another student to do their part of the assignment.” And I realized that is part of my problem. I’ve reached the point in my relationship that I’m enjoying things the way they are. I’ve spent the last month doing really good, not going loopy. And then this past week things got bad again.

Actually maybe I need to say it started a couple of weeks ago, but I’ve done pretty good at staying ok with it. It started when Rod had the wedding reception to go to. He talked about hating to go alone, and I suggested that I leave here after work at Saturday and go with him and then have Sunday dinner with him and his kids. He sort of brushed it off and didn’t seem to like the idea at all. He did say ‘do you really want to have dinner with the kids?” I said ‘why don’t you invite me someday and find out.” He said “ok, someday I will.” Yeah, that elusive ‘someday.’ That whole relationship is based on someday.

Then Rod wrote me an email about how he didn’t like the idea of going alone to the reception and thoughts about that. All I could think of was ‘well, I offered to go, but I guess I’m just not good enough.’ On the phone I made some comment about knowing my place. It was getting late and I got his usual ‘it’s too late to talk about this.’ Yeah, that’s his response when he doesn’t want to talk about something.

So I’ve been doing some thinking lately about “my place.” I have made him or let him be involved in my life and the lives of my kids and grandkids. And it seems like I’m good enough to be part of his life but only the parts that he wants me to be. If makes me feel like Im’ just not good enough to be around his friends or his kids. My place is sort of the back-street girlfriend.

We spent so much time talking when I was out there those few days when Rod had the carbon monoxide poisoning. I thought we got so much out in the open, and I came back feeling like there really was a future for us. But it seems like when Rod gives me some encouragement about that, it scares him or something and then he ends up backing away. When I got this job he talked about how I could work into management and transfer to Salt Lake next year and be out there. Then the other day I said something about it, and he asid ‘well, they have an office in Orem too, so you could work there.’ Guess that shows me how much he wants me to be with him.

I’m not sure if it’s an addiction, co-dependency or just this fear of being alone that drives me. I want a chance to be on my own and be my own boss. But then Rod gives me some encouragement like we’re gonna have a future and I jump on it. Or I end up really missing him and wanting to be with him, and so when he says something that’s just teasing I take it wrong. Last night I said to him that lately it seems like being with him is right and being away is wrong. I actually have felt so homesick being away from him. I want to be at his little apartment with him. And his response to my comment was ‘maybe it is.’ Not ‘it is right to be with me,’ it was that wonderful maybe that I hate so much.

So where does this go from here? I haven't a clue. Did venting help? Yeah, it did. So I guess something got accomplished. Now it's bedtime and time to quit thinking. Goodnight all!

Family Week:

I did end up going to the last night of Brandon's family week. It was so good, I wish I would have gone all week. I asked if he has to do this again before he graduates from the program. He said no, and I said why not, I want to go again. It gave me a lot to think about about my own life. Brandon and I have talked about addictions in our lives. I have realized that I just replace one addiction with another whether it be alcohol, men or food. I think I'm going to do some more learning about AA and apply those principles in my life. And I do know that I want Lala to go to meetings with Brandon. She needs it for her addiction although when I tried to talk to her about it, she said no. But we'll see.

Another day at work today and it's my Friday. I still don't know if I train on Monday. I need to find out so I don't show up and get told to go home. Tuesday training is mainly for the night shift because it goes until 11:30 pm, and there is no way I can stay up that late. But Monday is my day off, so if I go to training I'm hoping they'll give me another day off. I'm told they don't want to give overtime, so I'm sure they will.

Ok, home from work, already hit Walmart, had supper and now have laundry to do. Wow, exciting night tonight. Then I have tomorrow off and work six days straight. I get to go to the training Monday and they have approved overtime for it. So payday will be nice, so I should have money to spend on the grandkids when I go to Colorado next month.

All the Days of My Life

Best Day so Far
Wow, could it really be that today was the best day I've had at work? Well, since training anyway. It was a little frustrating this morning when I couldn't get ahold of a mentor for help. In fact, for about 1/2 hr I was ready to walk out and find another job. But again I survived. Hey, I guess I am a survivor. (queue Gloria Gaynor here)
We did get one guy from Orem today, Steve somebody instead of Phil. He didn't talk to us though just spent the day in a huddle with Kailan. And today was the second favorite workday in a month because today was PAYDAY! Yeah, gotta love it. I have now cashed the check and have to figure out which bills are due. But for now it's supper time and then off to the graduation of Family Week for Brandon. I haven't gone all week, but thought I should show my support tonight. By then it will be bedtime and another day tomorrow. And tomorrow is my Friday!

All the Days of My Life

Pretty Good Day
Today was a lot smoother than yesterday. The morning was actually slow. Crystal lent me a book, and I got about half of it read. But thank heavens I speeded up this afternoon. I woke up excited to go to work, so that was a really good sign. I was tired when I got off, but that was as much the night ahead as anything.
Tommy had swim lessons and Monique had volleyball again. And this time I had to take Max, but with a stroller he was wonderful. Now they're all settled in for the night, and I think I deserve a long bubble bath. So goodnight, all.

Hey, this blogging stuff in hard. Do I really have to give each blog a different title? Hmm, maybe I could just number the days, one, two, etc. Oh, well, I won't worry about the title today. I'll just write.

Today was another interesting day. I love the actually talking to the customers and helping them out. But then we found out that part of the things we learned in training was wrong, and that is why things aren't going right. I was able to talk to a couple of mentors in Orem and I actually learned quite a bit. Plus I did have one installer ask for my name and tell me that I was a lot of help. Wow, now if he'd just pass that on.

I spent the morning relearning how to use a 'real' phone as opposed to the soft phone. And just when that went going good, back to the other phone. Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Did I just call myself a dog? Whoops.

We're supposed to be able to fix the problem or issue as quickly as possible. I did spend way too long on a phone call with a woman in Las Vegas who wasn't getting her channels. With a lot of help from a very nice mentor named Craig, I finally got it fixed, she has all her channels, she is absolutely ecstatic and I was very proud of myself.

Phil from Orem is coming up on Friday to work with us. That will be nice and hopefully we can learn what we're doing wrong. And even nicer will be if he tells us we're doing something right. All in all, I'm actually enjoying my job despite all the challenges. And when I actually do something right, I pat myself on the back and move on.

I have the house to myself tonight which is wonderful. Makes me realize I do need my own place where I can come home to peace and quiet. So I'm gonna add that to my list of goals along with taking the computer classes. Hmmm, good idea for a blog. The goals I'm making in my life. Cool, I'll use that when I'm stumped for an idea or having such a good day at work I don't need to vent. Yeah!

Toughest Day so Far

Ok, today was by far the toughest day I've had at this new job. I started on March 6 as a customer service representative. I guess I shouldn't tell who I work for since this is gonna be a vent against management or somebody in charge. Is there anybody in charge? I guess that's the question, cuz there sure ain't anybody in charge in our office.
I work in a call center and take calls for a TV service. Training went well although I wasn't ready to get on those phones. But I managed to muddle through with lots of help and lots of questions. Then I showed up at work Friday and found that our trainer had quit. Yep, quit! Well, we managed to muddle through Friday and Saturday with helping each other and calling the Utah office constantly. They ended up answering the phone and saying "you again?" But all in all, it wasn't too bad. Then there was today.
I got there today to find that our extra help from the other office wasn't coming. Why? Who knows? So the one Team Lead we had was run ragged and is close to quitting. Wow, I can't wait until tomorrow. Oh, and let's not forget that the phones started burping this afternoon or something. So while I was talking to a customer, the phone would ring through another call, cut the first customer off and conenct the second.
Now I'm home from work and I get to go to Tommy's swim lessons and Monique's volleyball practice. And then I get sleep and start over tomorrow. And as my darling Scarlett says (fake southern accent here) "tomorrow is another day." (fade out)

All the Days of My Life

All the Days of My Life

Ok, this might be tougher than I thought. I have to figure out how to write add something to this. Hmmm, wonder if this will work.

The beginning

Several of my friends have starting blogging, some successfully and some not too well. I need a place to put my thoughts and memories of my very interesting life. Well, it's interesting to me and possibly someday my grandchildren. So here this goes. Now if I can just remember I have it and keep writing. I was once told my life is like a soap opera, hence the title. So each post will be another episode. Stay tuned for more.